The Cat's Diary

My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining a piece of their furniture.

I fear I may be going insane. Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.
 
THOU SHALT not pull the phone cord out of the back of the computer.
THOU SHALT not unroll all the toilet paper off the roll.
THOU SHALT not sit in front of the television or monitor as thou art not transparent.
THOU SHALT not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.
THOU SHALT not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
THOU SHALT not leap from great heights onto thy human's genital region. fast as thou art, thou canst not run through closed doors.
THOU shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
THOU SHALT not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thyself.
THOU SHALT not jump onto the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down.
THOU SHALT not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 am.
THOU shalt not trip thy humans even if they are walking too slow.
THOU shalt remember that thou art a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.
THOU shalt never forget that thou art not human. thou art a feline. that is special enough.